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Hello, you are stressed dear, the way you are feeling about yourself can lead you towards depression. I can understand that the love( physical) was strong enough between you both, but now it's emotionally hurting you back. First of all, In your life if any relation start giving you pain or torture, the solution is always to get out. He's not right one for you if he do any act forcefully. Moreover after tracing the history, he doesn't deserve your single tear. My set of advices for you will be : 1. Go and seek counselling help They will help you to overcome the emotional weakness. 2. Cognitive behaviour therapy to evacuate the negativity and suicidal tendencies coming in your mind. 3. He lost you, his loss. You gave 100% , don't feel guilty. This incidence will make you strong for future. 4. Divert yourself positively, meditation, yoga will help. 5. Life is not about failure, it's about how quickly you overcome it. Keep on moving . I know, you will do it , You are strong. Keep loving yourself.